Freddy Kruger? Jason? The person with that scream mask? Pah! They all pale compared with this, a more-scarey-than-the-alton-towers-ghost-train tour through a select few of Mae La Oon's freakiest non-Kingdom Humania...

First up, a chicken.

This chicken is named dastardly chicken because it represents all the chickens of the camp, who are all dastardly, particularly the dastardly cockrels. They begin to cock-a-doodle at maybe four a.m., they cock-a-doodle underneath one's hut, they take over one's hut when one is away, they cock-a-doodle from morn til night. If they don't stop it I'm going to invent a new game called cock-a-through-the-hoop. It involves chickens and hoops. One likes the idea of this game.

BEEBEETLE - the clumsy thug of the Mae La Oon skies, terrifying as it flies, thoroughly stupid every time it crashes into anything and falls on its hard shell of a back (it can't flip itself back over easily at all), no longer the feared arch enemy it once was. Oh no, BEEBEETLE's positively cute by comparison. By comparison to...

The scariest living creature known to man. I say creature because surely this can be no mere insect. Creepy, crawly, and disgusting - these freak me out. Like Brave Star, these things (or maybe thing - I have never seen two together, maybe its like a revenge thing like in Jaws 4: The Revenge)) have the "strength of the bear" - Thein Tay Oo tried to yank one off its perch by a light one night (with use of his whole body) and just succeeded in borrowing one third of an antennae, to the thing's disgruntled displeasure. I wanted to photograph one on the floor of the office once, and as I zoomed in closer and closer (physically and photographically), the thing decided (and I didn't know it had wings), to take off and leap at me. Alas this sent me crashing backwards onto a pile of chairs and computer batteries. Alas the room was full of students. Alas from that moment on my pretence (that I'm not afraid of insects) was blown. Alas from that moment on the students have been actively on the lookout for these beasts to pick up and wiggle near my unexpecting face. Get me the hell out of here mum.

Excuse me, but just what the f**k are you?

Apparently it can receive the BBC world service and live football.