Self-indulgence - yes; arrogance personified - yeah; lavishingly self-congratulatory - you bet. Here it is - a guide to what up till now has clearly been missing on this here site: me me me me me me.

"Enjoy."

(And please don't download too much.)

We're not quite sure, but rumour has it this photo was taken by a large and notorious jungle cobra just before it attacked. Either by one of those or the Blair Witch itself.

We'd better be quick before the river monster... er...

Is it me or are those people stuck to the ceiling?

Here you've just gotta get out there and eat what you can find. Here I'm enjoying a large insect larvae.

No, I'm not going to look up.

Clunk.

My latest literary escapade: eye-opening. Volumes Two and One have (expensively) followed in the post. I'm currently in the church vs. state authority wars of Thomas Beckett and Henry II, as detailed in Volume One. I'm currently looking forward to Crecy (to deepen my understanding of something ignited by my first (homesick) school visit to France), Agincourt (I didn't know it was Shakespeare, but as a kid loved the cavalrous battle scenes) and learning all about Mel Gibson and his (or rather Robert the Bruce's) heroic Scottish and English rampage.

Spot my sandals.

You mean, I get a present? Happy Pho Htaung looking forward to losing the flares.

Me and my school. I was surprised they made me (demon) headmaster so soon. I'm the one in the green and white.

I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with OMGIABSMHCIT!

If you are intending, on the extreme offchance, to send something - anything, oh please - this way, do make sure your writing doesn't end up looking like this - it took three months to arrive. Surprised I am not (oh mumsy)... but, ahem, thanks for the pants - a real life-saver in a world without loo paper.

Ben's rump: one download per visitor limit.

One morning, I woke up with an inflamed knee. I didn't know whose it was, or where mine had got to.

Off to catch that river monster from before.

My hut.